I’m not talking about adding 2kg to a lift here I’m talking body weight. Not the usual post from me but I feel the need to share.
I’m currently 55kg, that’s light for being 5”8 and I usually hover around 57-58kg and am at my most comfortable here, not just body image wise but strength, health, energy…
So… what’s happened… well, after 3 amazing weeks for our wedding and honeymoon, Ross and I returned to reality with quite the bump. Anything that could have gone wrong did and the absolute last thing we expected to ever happen did… so aside from my faith in humanity getting a royal frigging so did my nutrition.
I’ve mentioned before I don’t eat much when stressed but this time it’s genuinely bothering me how much I’m not eating and how I feel in myself, it’s not just my body that feels unhealthy, it’s my mental state too and I don’t think people speak of this side much. When you’re on a journey there’s always a fine line between feeling awesome and bouncing off the walls and crashing big time and feeling like you’re going to do more harm than good…
I need my body in peak physical condition for a number of reasons. As it currently stands I feel flat… my abs are on point but no level of aesthetic pleasure is currently being taken. I feel tired, I feel cold to the bone, I feel my holiday tan is all that’s saving me from a washed out almost greyed complexion, I feel emotional, I want to cry all the time. Now don’t get me wrong this could be an amalgamation of all the events of the last few weeks but I feel lousy. I feel like I’m about to break.
At the weekend we had our home wedding party with getting married just the two of us abroad… lack of food, not being a big drinker anyway and people buying shots left, right and centre left me in a pretty bad way!!! This led to a full day of bed rest and half a carton of chicken fried rice on the night (Ross was in exactly the same state thankfully 😅) so once again my nutrition and body took a beating…
I’ve got no umph about me to train, so I feel stressed that I’ll lose my strength and muscle gains that I have taken so long to achieve too. Mentally my head is in the shed, I’m talking myself down whining about issues I usually take on the chin as there’s far more important things in life than the stretch marks on my arse or the fact I look skinny because I’m wearing clothes too big just to keep warm.
So those 2kg have made quite the impact. My strength of body is one thing, my strength of mind being affected is quite the other and something I need to sort out!!!
So what am I going to do to get out of the hole?
Well first of all… I’m gonna give my head a shake and put my big girl pants on as I realise you’re probably reading this thinking boo hoo… I realise there’s bigger things to concern myself with but as health and fitness is my life and my passion I want to share every aspect of it…
I’m going to continue to track my nutrition but perhaps much to the dismay of many fit pros, my aim is to get calories in in whichever form I can!!! I’m currently opting for gold top milk, cake and Pringles on top of my main meals to get the extra in. For me to eat “healthy” foods I’d have to be eating all day everyday to get near and I don’t have the time or the inclination to do so, I’m going to eat what I enjoy and I’m going to eat whatever is high in calories.
I’m going to train but not heavy, I’m going to listen to my body and rest when I need to and not stress out about how much I can lift or for how many reps. I’m going to chill out, take my downtime as downtime.
I’m not going to look at fitness models and plague myself with insignificant pointers I want to improve on.
I’m going to keep going… I’m probably for one of the first times in a long while, going to stop looking at myself and what I “should” look like… I’ll gain some weight and then I can address my nutritional value to help with my energy levels and overall health…
If anyone reading this feels in any way remotely how I have described please realise that being super lean isn’t the be all and end all and it certainly isn’t worth risking your mental or physical well being over!!! And in all honesty, the person who sees you, and I mean really sees you, with the lights on and with no clothes, would far rather you be happy and healthy than lean and miserable as sin!!!
See ya’ll on the flip side!!!
Time to move onward and upward!!!