Christmas is over and it has dawned on me that tomorrow on the 5th of January, I will be turning 29… Where has the time gone?
That’s 1 more year away from 30 and for a long time I’ve always said I couldn’t care less but I have to admit, it’s bugging me somewhat…
It has taken me until now to realise where my strengths lie, to escape the rat race of commercialism and soulless enterprise to do something that I actually love and have a passion for…
Until 2 years ago I wasn’t looking after my body and now when I look in the mirror I’d love to have taken better care of myself or had the guidance to do so earlier…To have learned to love myself earlier…
When I look at my body it’s starting to take shape, but there are still stretch marks atop of my thighs where I was carrying my weight… I vow now to never add another unless it’s as a bi-product of having a mini me!!
When I look at my face I’ve deep wrinkles on my forehead, this is from years of sitting with a furrowed brow, stressed at the world of Purvis… or from having my eyebrows pushed up so far towards my hairline through a combination of shocked face or my are you f**king serious face…
So I’ve a year before I’m 30… Where am I at?? I’m still not happy with my reflection and I’m massively insecure. Dan wrote a blog the other week about learning to love yourself and learning to love others… I am on the journey… For years I have always looked at the negative, I’m what you might call a negative nancy, I lacked trust in people generally, most probably because of my upbringing and then furthered by the people I surrounded myself by in business…
That has changed… The people I have met through RT Fitness and a few prior (one family in particular who have negativity surrounding them but push forward with a positive outlook and who support others in everything they do each and every day with the purest hearts) have showed me that all is not lost with humanity and not everyone has an ulterior motive… I am allowing myself to see the good in people before immediately putting up a defence and being cynical… I feel so incredibly vulnerable but I have to admit that Dan is right, I am starting to see myself differently, see the value in what I do, realise that I can actually help people… And that’s because I have let people in, I’ve started to not just see the good but accept the good in people, I have met some of the nicest people over the last 12 months, so genuine… Some of them say I’m an inspiration to them and yet few if any realise they have changed my outlook on life and thus changed my view of myself so dramatically… I dare say they have saved me from a life of doom and gloom and pessimism, and whilst this blog may appear to be a touch on the dark side (I know some of you will chuckle with the line following the release of the Star Wars Movie… That’s fine I’ve had a little giggle too)… It has what I hope is a positive message and a resounding message of gratitude to those who I’ve mentioned…
So… The final aim of my 20’s is to look in the mirror and be truly happy… I can’t help but read Dans blog and know that whenever I think I want to look/be like someone else, they’re probably thinking the same… It’s to finally be able to love myself, accept that I am loved without doubt and generally walk into my 30’s with a smile on my face knowing I’ve done everything in my power to be happy myself and to make others happy, to help others battle their demons, to help others get to where they want to be, to help others look in the mirror and be happy with who they are…
It might not sound like much but if I can do this, the future will be awesome!
Sarah “I’ll cry if I want to” Purvis
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