When I first started training I was motivated, like many of you I would imagine, by a self hate about myself. My body was soft, had no definition, I had no strength, I was weak by nature both physically and mentally and I hated that. My stomach was flat but flabby, my bum was none existent, my legs were just long stumps…
This dislike I had for myself made me work hard, it also made me break down in tears following a session where I couldn’t do anything, I couldn’t keep up with the other girls… they were strong and I was weak… I hated it…
I was driven to continue because I hated being so weak, I hated being so crap at everything… It became quite a sad place to be… I was showing up and making progress but I was still always that bit sad that I wasn’t the strongest, that I was still “weak” in comparison to others. I was hard on myself and it sucked.
I then set myself targets, like my much talked about bulking mission… I was so cool I could eat so much and stay relatively lean but I was going to pack on some muscle… it wasn’t long before the novelty wore off of eating so much, and the negativity hit when it all seemed to be for nothing… I was still the same weight, I was still lifting the same numbers… what was the point of this other than to have something else to be down on myself over… What was making others bigger and stronger was stressing me out…
Today… I am motivated by a positive progress above all else… sure, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still compare myself to other women, to what they look like, to what they lift, this still creeps in if I let it… but it no longer motivates me because that would mean I’d be motivating myself via negative means, which inevitably leads to my own self doubt, to my never being happy with myself and MY progress…
I am motivated by my own ability, my love for the parts of my body I can see changing each week, the more I work on it. I am always moving towards a goal and the movement forwards or even laterally, makes me feel awesome. I love the empowerment of being responsible for my own progress… I love that my motivation comes from a positive place instead of a negative.
If I had any advice for any of you at all it would be to motivate yourself from a positive position, find the motivation from your strength and ability. When you focus your attention on the desire to change who you are or change a particular element of yourself you are unhappy with, it’s a sad, frustrating and counter productive position which often leads to giving up. Focus on your awesomeness, your strength, YOUR progress and that is inevitably what will keep you going.
S x
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