New Year New Me.. WTF…

On reading this you may have recently read Dans blog regarding exploitation and the New Year state of affairs… I’ve been inspired to share…

I became, for the first time, the person who committed a schoolboy error and got my weight and measurements done a couple of weeks into January and freaked out!!!

I mean proper freaked out… kicked off, the lot!!! I’m still actually foaming and processing the whole thing in my own little way. You guys know I quite like to share what I personally have gone through or achieved purely to demonstrate that when we say we’re human too we genuinely mean it.

So what’s happened… since my last full measurements in September (pre wedding) I’ve gained around 10lbs and 6% body fat… even typing this makes me shudder, makes me grimace, makes me utterly disgusted at myself.

On returning from Sri Lanka I was actually losing weight (yes I get on the scales after every holiday to determine the damage if any)… I was losing weight because I was struggling after 3 weeks out to get back into a routine with both work and food… add stress to the mix from an unfortunate case of betrayal (from an ex employee not my new hubby, lol) and voila, none eating due to stress. I wrote a blog about this too if you can remember. I have always swayed to not eating when stressed, always…

So I went on a mission as I said I would to get back into eating enough to sustain my body… I then made baby steps back into training but again I was on and off with it due to a variety of reasons and I was trying not to let it stress me out… on my quest to put my weight back on I found Pringles and Maltesers share bags, only I wasn’t sharing them with anyone!!! I’ve been pouching these fuckers like they’re going out of production.

I didn’t even bat an eye lid, I was wanting to gain weight…

My training began to return to some form of routine and I was happy with the intensity… then due to personal reasons I completely stopped, then Christmas was looming so things got even more lax and then we had the first week back to work… as you can imagine in a Fitness facility in January it was a bit manic so I wasn’t even thinking about training myself but ensuring the coaching was delivered to the highest possible standard, ensuring everyone was clear on their goals for the year ahead, back in the zone… by this point I knew my eating had turned from a mission to gain weight by any means possible to just being a proper pig and really I suppose comfort eating which is a complete first for me. Admitting to that point openly is hopefully going to serve as a reality check and a turning point in my nutrition.

Then I weighed myself and the results were the above… oh my good god, you could have made £100 from the lad bible for my tantrum and my face would have made a canny new year new me meme…

So I was kicking off, made a case over the next few days of picking at every other thing going on in my life instead of addressing the actual problem and reason for my completely foul mood…

I’m guessing there are a few who’ve done this too. It’s normal… it’s highly unfortunate, but it’s perfectly normal. I personally am going to step away from some of the food choices I’ve been making, not completely but it’s about time I regained some balance between nutritious foods and the higher calorie foods I enjoy. I’m getting back into training, I’ve wrote a program full of the exercises I enjoy… enjoy being the most important word here… I’m setting a timer and I’m going for it. Motivationally I’m struggling like crazy as there’s still a fair bit going on in my life as a distraction… but… I’m doing it, slowly building back up… I know that whilst I’m currently looking at myself with complete disdain I’ll get back to where I was using the same tools and techniques I have done for the past few years. I also know that’s whilst I’m hating on myself, I’m not alone and it doesn’t make Ross love me any less, most people probably haven’t even noticed the changes in me… but we are and always will be our own worst critics!!!

So you are not alone if you’re reading this and it’s resonating with you!!! Follow the advice of Ross and Dan and find something you enjoy, whatever that may be, there are plenty of options out there, find what works for you, don’t jump into a fad and also don’t chuck yourself under a bus mentally because you’re unhappy with yourself… baby steps… small sustainable changes… just keep going… I know I’ve got this, it’s going to take a few months but I can do it… and I know you can too!!!

S x